Downtown – Nashville Mayor Megan Barry has admitted to an extramarital affair with her top security advisor, Sgt. Robert Forrest Jr., completely ruining a fan-favorite term referencing Music City’s hockey team – “Smashville”.
Nashville residents are outraged, wondering if they can ever wear their officially licensed “SMASH” and “Smashville” hats, t-shirts, jerseys and more without thinking of the two individuals bumping uglies. “These people are in the spotlight. It unfortunately makes it all too easy to think about two kinda old people having sex on a bed of taxpayer-funded rose petals while saying ‘Take me to Smashville, baby'” says area resident Brian White. “Now every slap of a hockey stick just sounds like two old private parts slapping together in a hotel room in Greece.” Barry and Forrest have taken many trips together in recent months and years, including a trip to Greece. It is unclear how many of these were funded by taxpayers.
The Predators are currently mulling over new phrases to replace SMASH that will look equally good on merchandise. “All the good stuff just sounds like sex and reminds us of this horrible affair”, said a spokesperson for the team. A number of hockey terms are now banned from being used during Preds games because they could be misconstrued. A working list includes: Slot, Stick Handling, Box, Poke Check, Five-Hole, Lumber, Rubber, Sin Bin, Warm Up The Bus, Between the Pillows, and Rimmed In. Additionally, Predators mascot “Gnash” has been banned from leading the Bridgestone Arena crowd in any chant including “FANG FINGERS” in word or gesture.
If you have any good ideas to replace “Smashville”, let us know so that we can begin printing merchandise and make some money off of someone else’s poor decisions!