DOWNTOWN – Yelling something about “Fake Foods,” Political Rock Star Donald Trump destroyed his dressing room prior to his gig at Municipal Auditorium on Wednesday, March 15th.
President Trump, as he apparently likes to be called, is headlining Nashville’s Municipal Auditorium on Wednesday and is citing a breach of his Hospitality Rider as the reason for a childish outburst in his dressing room. Representatives have confirmed that his rider only allows certain raw, organic, gluten-free foods in his dressing room, but somehow, two large pepperoni pizzas got delivered there anyway.
“My rider, it’s great. It’s yuuuuuuuge. It’s the biggest rider you’ve ever seen. There’s nobody that has a bigger rider than me, not even The Rolling Stones. I’m disappointed! Very sad!”
Staring at the grease-soaked Domino’s Pizza before him, Trump slammed his tiny hands down on the table, yelling:
“The grease is real! The foods are fake!!”
He immediately flipped the table over, spilling bottles of dip spit and half-drank PBRs all over the place. President Trump swiftly turned around and donkey kicked a hole in the drywall while screaming “FUCK THIS VENUE!” Trump’s band mates (Mike Pence – Lead Guitar, Steve Bannon – Rhythm Guitar, Jeff Sessions – Bass, Kellyanne Conway – drums) immediately joined in, chanting – “Fuck this venue! Fuck this venue!!” Trump’s Tour Manager, Sean Spicer, walked in just as Trump was finishing drawing what appeared to be either a middle finger or a penis on the wall.
Spicer, having to clean up another one of Trump’s messes, managed to negotiate with the promoter to back the damage out of their guarantee and still let Trump perform. When asked about the decision, the promoter had this to say: “I had no choice. Do you know how much Budweiser I had to order for this crowd? It would take a year of 21+ shows to drink it all. I’m going to let Trump go on, but he’s never playing here again.”