ELLISTON – Across the nation, “clown sightings” are on the rise. People are reporting creepy clowns attempting to lure them into the woods near their homes, parks, and even their schools. And now in Nashville, the unsettling sightings have hit home. Vanderbilt student James D. Brooks had just eaten lunch at Corner Bar on Elliston Place and was walking back to campus when the sighting occurred. The clown was reportedly covered in self-applied face paint and was wearing an outfit that could have only been purchased in the bowels of Hell, or at Hot Topic. “The number of straps and useless chains on his pants was horrifying. I’ve never seen anything like it” said James.
“The number of straps and useless chains on his pants was horrifying. I’ve never seen anything like it” – James D. Brooks (Witness)
While walking past iconic music venue Exit/In, the clown jumped out and offered him a scary deal: A 2-for-1 ticket offer to the underselling Insane Clown Posse show tonight, plus a free 2-liter bottle of Faygo Moon Mist. When Brooks replied with “No thanks, clown” the man reportedly yelled “I’m not a clown! I’m a JUGGALO! WHOOP WHOOP!”
“I’m not a clown! I’m a JUGGALO! WHOOP WHOOP!”
Authorities and frightened Brentwood parents are urging people to stay away from Exit/In today, citing concerns of being lured into the show and actually becoming a Juggalo or Juggalette. This could have serious consequences such as moving back in with your parents, beginning to collect dragon statues, and getting “hatchet man” tattoos. Sightings are only expected to increase as show time approaches, so unless you intend to be yelled at by a 32 year old man with the teenage angst of a 14 year old, please make plans to do literally anything but go near this show.